


I’m Not the Bad Guy

by Miss_Mischief



Category: Avengers (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Ironfrost if you squint?, Its unbeta’d, Loki isn’t a villain, M/M, OR IS IT, Other, Post Avengers, Soul Mate AU, Thor and Loki are not related, Thor has some making up to do, Unrequited Love, i didn’t mean it but it’s there, i wrote this at 3 am, referenced cheating, sorry boys, soul marks, soulmate identifying marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-21 12:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16576814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Mischief/pseuds/Miss_Mischief
Summary: Loki’s soulmark is gnarled, and heavily scarred, as if someone had taken a knife and tried to carve it out of his skin. While nobody would put it past Loki to try such a thing, Loki always refused to explain it to anyone who asked.Until two Avengers and an ill timed question bring it all to light.





	1. Chapter 1

The first avenger to ask him about his Soul-Mark was the Iron Man, because of course it was.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
The Jötun lifted his gaze to the other man, red eyes dull with disinterest from where he lounged on one of the couches that had been provided for him in his cell. On the other side of the glass, the man in iron stood without his suit, margarita in hand and one hip popped to the side as he fixed Loki with an equally distrusting look.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“So, the- ah,” Tony gestures to his own collarbone, mirroring where the mark was on Loki’s skin, “mark. Why does it look like that? All.. gnarled?” He questioned, and Loki briefly wondered if the man had any tact, or if he simply didn’t bother to save any for their prisoner. Loki sighed, dropping his gaze back down to the book in his lap, lifting one hand to absentmindedly stroke at the mark that sat on his collarbone. He knew the mark well; he’d spent hours in front of a mirror, tracing it with his fingers like he was now. He’d spent hours watching it slowly shift and spent hours more watching thin lines appear to cut through the mark. Now, it was little more than scar tissue, the shape of what it used to be hidden under what it was now: an ever changing wound.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I expect you mortals know what a soul mark is,” Loki stated absently, lowering his hand to once again rest against the smooth pages of his book. When he earned a muffled grunt of ‘of course we know, we have them too’, Loki continued, his voice gentle. “My Mate was unloyal to me. He took me for granted; took others to our marriage bed,” Loki explained patiently, not lifting his gaze, not wanting to look at Stark’s face if he explained. If he had to watch the emotions shift into pity, or horror, or sadness then he would be forced to think of his mark and it’s history in more than a clinical viewpoint. Loki didn’t want to remember the pain of sitting up through the endless nights, his eyes stinging with his skin as his flesh was cut open. He didn’t want to remember being alone all those years.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I endured centuries of his abuse,” Loki continued, still ever so gentle and detached. “You mortals arrest people for this sort of thing, don’t you?” Loki finally asked, lifting his gaze to meet the startled brown eyes of Stark once more. The man looked unsettled, his eyes flickering briefly to Loki’s before they refocused on his soul-mark. After a moment, the mortal gave a brief nod, and Loki laughed quietly before lowering his gaze back down to his book.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
When the Iron Man spoke again, it was hesitant. “You know, Lokes.. that sort of thing usually kills people. We call it dying of a broken heart.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki’s hand stilled on the page, his mouth twisting unhappily as he felt his heart give a familiar thrum of pain. Calmly, he lifted his gaze to Stark’s once more, his mouth twisted into an ugly smirk and his red eyes ablaze with anger. However, when he speaks, its with the same clinical disinterest as before, only now it’s chilled and sharp.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Dying would have been too easy.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Looking back down at the book, Stark must take it for the dismissal it is because he only stands there for a moment more before turning and leaving the room with his cell, the soft swoosh of the door punctuating his exit.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
The Jötun closed his eyes, willing them not to fill with tears as he was doused into the familiar lonely silence once more, his own words echoing in his mind. Dying was too easy.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
The second time an avenger asked him about his soul-mark, it was the young spider.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki had been released from his cell with the stipulation that he wear bracelets that limited the use of his magic. It was a generous offer, Thor had claimed, not quite meeting his eyes. It would allow Loki to retake his Asgardian form, he explained, and allow healing magic and the basics of illusionary magic.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Stark allowed him access to the basic labs - none of the advanced ones where he worked on his suits and what Loki could only assume were just as uninteresting pursuits. Loki knew that JARVIS was watching him intently, and likely actively updating Stark and Thor on his actions every so minutes, but he didn’t mind the constant surveillance. Let him never leave Thor’s mind, he thought viciously, Let Thor be constantly reminded that this is all his fault.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki spared the door a glance when he heard it open, watching the young spider walk trepidatiously into the room before his gaze flickered back down to the holographic screen he was currently reading from. It was likely he was just looking for Stark; trying to avoid Loki at all costs.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
That hypothesis went out the window when the Jötun heard the shuffling steps of the young man slowly approach him. Loki continued trying to read the article before him, an interesting piece about lost continents found beneath Midgard’s Antarctica, but when the shuffling beside him continued, Loki gave a short sigh. Lifting his gaze from the screen once more, the God rose an unimpressed eyebrow at the child across the table from him, watching an embarrassed blush rise to his cheeks.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Truth be told, Loki usually enjoyed the company of the Spiderling. He found the child refreshing, and wildly clever, and when Loki found out he had been downplaying his own intelligence to get some extra help from Stark, Loki had laughed until his face was pink from exhaustion. The truth was, the child didn’t need Stark building suits for him. He was perfectly capable of doing it himself, given the correct supplies. On top of the fighting style that seemed to radiate grace and power, Loki found himself helplessly endeared with the child.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Yes, Peter?” Loki pressed, when it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak unless he was prompted. When he was continuedly met with silence, Loki gave a short sigh before softening, watching the child with a concerned frown. “Spider. What’s gotten into you? Is it that Flash-Child again? I can have a word with Stark. Surely he’d permit me enough magic to make the kid bald-“ Loki began, smiling when the thought seemed to illicit a small laugh out of the spiderling.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Pushing his hair out of his face, the teen gave the Æsir-looking Jötun a small smile before finally tossing his backpack onto the table between them, sitting down across from the Mischief God.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“No, it’s.. it’s not that, Loki. And don’t ask Mister Stark that - because he probably would give you enough magic to do it if he knew I was being picked on,” a short laugh, a quick grin, “or do it himself.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki smirked at the idea of the iron man sneaking in to a child’s house to shave his head. It was appealing. And hilarious. Loki knew the extent of affection he had for the child; even if the child was not his own, Tony sure acted enough like the child’s father to fool anyone who didn’t know better. Even he had been briefly deceived, asking after “Starkson” when he’d first seen Tony propel Peter rapidly out of a room Loki had entered.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Reminding himself of the task at hand, Loki rose a playful eyebrow. “Then what is it that’s tied your tongue? A Feline?”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“What?” Peter asked, confused.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“‘Cat got your tongue’? I believe it’s a midgardian expression.”

“Oh,” Peter blinked, then shook his head, his smile fading. He seemed troubled, and as soon as he spoke, Loki knew why. “I just.. Mr. Stark let it slip that.. well,” Peter took a deep breath, “that your soul-mate hurt you pretty bad.” The child frowned, and Loki watched in dismay as he seemed to get misty eyed.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki panicked as he watched the child begin to spiral into sadness, frowning deeply as he hesitated before reaching across the table to gently wipe the child’s tears away.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Stark shouldn’t have told you,” Loki said simply, trying to be a comfort, but Peter’s frown only deepened.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“No! I’m glad he told me!” He declared, meeting the green gaze of the god determinedly, his own eyes still wet as he recalled the awkward explanation he’d forced from his mentor earlier that week, “you’re loved here, Loki. I love having you around! You’re smart, and you’re funny,” Peter stated, and Loki’s heart stuttered in his chest in surprise, his own eyes wide as the teen continued, “and you always make time to help me when I need it, even when you’re busy with other things. I know you don’t like it here, and- and that you don’t think you fit in, but-“  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Peter,” Loki interrupted softly, pressing his thumb over the teen’s lips to silence him before dropping his hand. The God offered a small smile, tilting his head as he admired the tiny mortal; it was only through the practice of years of hiding his pain that he didn’t let it slip then, “I’m glad to be here. I’m glad to have met you. Banish the thought that whispers I’d rather be somewhere else.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I just..,” Peter sighed, and Loki huffed a pathetic laugh.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I know.” Loki finished, because he did.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
The third time an avenger asked him about his soul-mark, the truth came out.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
It was a “game night”, a night that Stark forced all the Avengers into one room and any who tried to get out of it, received the Captain America Frown of Disappointment (trademarked, Loki was told). He’d been able to get himself out of it these past few months, but for some odd reason, Stark, the Spider, and surprisingly even Captain America himself had asked him - then, when he’d refused, guilted him - into joining them. Loki had no problems with the other avengers, truthfully. Not even with Bruce, who’s large and green counterpart had repeatedly crushed him into the floor. No. The part he wasn’t looking forward to was being forced to sit in the same room with Thor as he grinned and laughed and joked with his friends, as if he hadn’t forced Loki’s heart to break and his mind to shatter.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
He was doing well of it, he thought, sitting cross legged on the floor in a large circle with the other avengers. The point of this game, he was told, was to omit a truth or be forced to commit a dare of an unusually disgusting nature. Loki, God of Mischief that he was, was having a spectacular time. Nobody dared ask him a question, and those who did rapidly had uncomfortable questions thrown back at them that made them unable to answer and forcing them to do a dare of Loki’s choosing. He’d been delighted when he forced Clint Barton to eat two spoonfuls of mayonnaise. Peter, who sat on his left, had made appropriate gagging noises during the act, which had made Loki’s enjoyment of the Hawk’s face turning green only that much brighter.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
That was, until Stark turned and asked Thor, “so, did you ever end up pummeling your brother’s soulmate for what he did to him?”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki’s world crashed around his ears as his gaze flickered to his husband, his eyes wide and undeniably full of pain. The room around them went silent as Thor tensed, and everyone seemed to notice simultaneously that Thor seemed to refuse to meet Loki’s pained gaze. Loki couldnt stop the pained sob that escaped him, so he turned it into a bitter laugh instead, his tears welling up in his eyes as he felt his heart sear.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Oh, so that’s how you got them to help you,” Loki hissed, his grin sharp and deadly, eyes bright with malice. Still, Thor refused to meet his gaze. “And they call me the God of Liars, husband.” The word was spat with venom, and with it, the room suddenly began to grow colder with Loki’s distress. Loki, of course, couldnt feel it - didn’t want to feel it - past the roaring anger in his ears. Finally, the thunder god lifted his gaze to the room around him, surrounded by shocked stares and distrustful gazes as they took in the sight of he distressed mischief god and the guilty thunder god.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki flicked his fingers at his husband, snarling as he bound his mouth shut, “you told them I was your brother to hide from the shame of what you caused!” Loki shot to his feet, trembling with rage as his tears began to spill over his cheeks. Thor looked at him pleadingly, unable to speak but to beg with his eyes, but this once - Loki would not keep his silence, he refused to. Loki instead turned to face the rest of the avengers, dropping the guise that made him appear Æsir. Gasps came around the room, bodies tensing as they took in the change, although Stark - who had seen him thus before - only frowned deeper.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I am Loki Laufeyson Of Jotunheim, and I am Thor’s husband. His Soulmate,” Loki snarled, anguished, his nails darkening to a pitch black. “He claimed me and my heart, and I was happily bound to him. Until I was suddenly not enough for him!” With this, Loki spins to face his husband once more, shaking with his anguish. “I saw you with her. I saw you with all of them! Every lover you took, each kiss you stole, each body you reaped - some even in the same bed we used to share! You grew bored with my heart, and so you abandoned the love we shared! And I kept silent, thinking you would come back to me, thinking to protect you from this disgrace you’d committed against me. I kept silent to protect you until it drove me to kill myself!” Loki roared, until, upon realizing what he said, he went deathly silent.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
When Loki spoke again, his voice was softer, his eyes wet and distant as he stared into the space over Thor’s left shoulder.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I did everything you asked of me. And I was happy to do it, because I thought I was making you happy. At first... you were kind to me. Perhaps you even loved me, then.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki lifted his hand, absentmindedly brushing his fingertips against the mark that was hidden beneath his shirt, but even through the fabric he could feel the tough, scarred skin.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“When the first cut appeared over my mark, I was frightened. I thought you hurt; I went to check on you. You’d told me you weren’t feeling well, so I’d left you to rest in your chambers.. but when I opened the door, you were buried in another woman. Every night after.. I knew what the cuts meant. I lay awake, feeling my skin being slowly ripped apart, knowing you didn’t love me,” Loki murmured, finally looking upon his husband. His husband’s eyes were cast down, onto the floor.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“Even so, I only ever wanted what was best for you. When Odin planned to make you King - I knew you weren’t ready for the responsibility. So I bade my father attack Asgard,” a soft breath, “he died doing so. Then you were banned to Asgard, and... you found yourself another woman.” Loki smiled, but the movement was slow, and his lips trembled as he tried not to let his pain show. All his years of being a trickster, but he never quite learned how to hide the pain Thor caused him.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“I watched you with her, you know. You treated her softly - in a way I hadn’t seen you with anyone... since we first got married. So when the fateful day came that we battled on the Bifrost... I looked into your eyes and all I could see was the remnants of a love you never held for me. And I was tired of always being a second thought to you - I wished to rest. To be able to sleep and know that another scar wouldn’t be carved into my skin. To sleep and know that maybe, without me, you would be happy. So I let go.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Staring at his husband, Loki gives a short laugh as he lifts his hand to delicately wipe his tears away, slowly regaining control of his expression. Becoming more closed off, tactile, once more.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
“But things hardly ever work out in my favor, and instead of death, it was a madman who found me. He tortured me, Thor. Some days.. I imagined that you could feel my pain - that you could feel I needed you. That maybe you would find me and rescue me of the mess I’d made. But you never did,” his mouth twisted; unhappy. “The Titan used the Mind Stone on me,” he says, and that snaps Thor’s attention back to him, wide eyed and shocked. “That’s right. The attack on New York? I didn’t know what was going on - I only had flashes of consciousness. It wasn’t until Banner threw me around that I was able to fully snap out of it - and what did I find? My daring husband, once again pushing me into the shadows without a second thought to what had caused my pain.”  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki stared into those familiar eyes, seeing the pain reflected there and knowing it didn’t even come close to matching his own. Loki closed his eyes to be rid of it, turning his head before opening them again. The silence of the room was deafening as Loki released the magic that held Thor’s mouth shut, turning and quietly leaving the room.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Thor didn’t call after him.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Loki didn’t expect him to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say I'm happy with this chapter, but I also can't say that I entirely hate it? I just couldn't keep staring at this chapter and not posting it, it was torture. It's not my best work, but I had written myself into a corner, and this was my way out of it. I hope you guys enjoy it!

It had been a relief to give in.

 

It wasn’t something Loki did willingly, of course. He’d heard of the Mad Titan; knew of his goals, his desperate need to impress Lady Death and win her favor, no matter how he masked his desire with ‘honorable’ goals (which, really, weren’t so honorable  _ or _ smart;  _ really _ , Loki thinks with an almost manic amusement,  _ if you’re so worried about resources, Thanos, then why not simply create more? Or do you not realize that killing half of everything will also kill half of all resources? _ ). More so, some part of his traitorous heart whispered:  _ what if Thor was part of that one half? _

 

So when he’d fallen into the lap of the Titan, weak and drained from his fall through space, he hadn’t had the energy to put up much of a fight. Thanos, even without any Infinity Stones, was a dangerous and neigh-unbeatable opponent. He had no magic, no strength to lift a dagger, so he’d done what he’d done best.

 

He lied.

 

He spun the Titan a tale that was only half true, telling the Mad Man of his heart break and of Thor’s betrayal, and of his want to take something dear from him as so many things of Loki’s had been taken from him. He promised him Midgard, and the Infinity Stone hidden there, in return for his freedom. Thanos had seem convinced, but Loki should have known better - the Titan was no fool.

 

He had the Mind Stone; Loki remembered the power held within it avidly, swore he could still feel whispers of it in the back of his mind most days, despite performing Cleansing Ritual after Cleansing Ritual, despite the ban on magic Odin had temporarily performed upon him. Thanos had forced his way into Loki’s mind; ravaging the insides of it for what felt like years (Loki would later learn it had taken three minutes to break his mind, the rest of which he’d spent in a dream-like state as Thanos implemented orders within him) before his mind had broken.

 

It was a strange thing to miss the feeling of being empty, Loki thought, crouched in one of many of the winding hallways of the Avenger’s tower, his back to the wall and face held in his hands. He hadn’t meant to say as much as he had, hadn’t meant to reveal what he had; that was the beauty of it, wasn’t it? He had meant to lie. As he always had, as he was always good at; in the moment, he found he couldn’t. It had poured out of him like a waterfall.

 

It had felt… nice. To get it all out. He hadn’t ever had the will to do it before, too afraid of what it would have meant for Thor. Or.. what it had meant for him, as a soulmate. He hadn’t wanted to be looked down upon in the eyes of Asgard more than he already was, but now it hardly seemed to matter, didn’t it? He’d already nearly flattened a Midgardian City - he was a prisoner; he wouldn’t get any lower in rank than he was.

 

And why should he protect Thor?

 

The thought was a revelation,  a lightbulb going off as he lifted his head out of his hands. Thor had been the one to cause all this - he had been the one to turn his back on them, Loki wasn’t - he owed Thor nothing. Not loyalty, or silence; certainly not his love. Loki sneered at that, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. He had always loved Thor - had always followed him like a lost puppy, wide eyed and willing to accept whatever he would deign give him. Just like everyone else on Asgard, too blinded by the light of the Golden Son to do much else other than salivate like the complete and utter fools they were -

 

“Loki?”

 

Lifting his head, he felt his heart give a small stutter-beat at the sight of Thor standing before him. His massive frame seemed smaller, somehow; his shoulders hunched and hands folded in front of him. Even his head was hung low, not quite meeting the burning green of Loki’s eyes. Loki said nothing, simply watching Thor fidget before slowly sinking down to the ground across from him. Pressing his back against the opposite wall, he took a deep breath.

 

Still, Loki said nothing, his mouth twisting into a scowl as he watched the presumptuous ass across from him. Had he not left the room to avoid this very man? Why were the Avengers not currently yelling at him? Were they too blinded by Thor’s golden sun to see that Loki didn’t want anything to do with-

 

“I’m sorry, Loki,” Thor murmured, lifting his gaze to Loki’s, and Loki was startled to see tears welling up in those too familiar blue eyes. His eyebrows furrowed together before his eyes dropped back down to his hands, taking a quivering breath before continuing. “I never meant… to hurt you this way. I was a stupid kid, Loki - you know this. I was an arrogant fool; I believed I was entitled to anything I saw before me. I gave to others something that belonged to you. Something I had promised only to you, Loki - proof of the marks on our skin. I didn’t know…”

 

“That I knew?” Loki snapped, shocking Thor back into silence. He looked ashamed for a moment, then gave a small nod. A bitter laugh escaped the Jotun then; even when he had just proclaimed Thor a menace, his heart still couldn’t help wanting to be near him. Wanting to wipe those tears away and go back to the way they used to be. 

 

“You’re not sorry for what you did, Thor,” Loki murmured, lifting his hands to look at the illusion cast over them, “you’re sorry you were caught.” Clenching his fists, he released the magic, watching with some relief as blue began to overtake the pale aesir skin he wore.

 

“Loki,” Thor began, but Loki wouldn’t hear it - not this time. Lifting up a hand efficiently silenced the man, dousing them both in familiar silence.

 

“No, Thor. I’m right - and you know it. But I suppose I cannot blame you, entirely,” Loki mused, slowly lowering his hand, “after all, my silence was complacent. I could have complained. I could have spoken up; somehow voiced my pain. Questioned you, perhaps, as to why my bed - my arms - were no longer warm enough for you.” Loki lifted his gaze, red meeting blue as Loki stared across the small space into his soulmate’s eyes. There was pain reflected there, but Loki was no stranger to pain, and he would not give in to it so easily again.

 

“Mr. Loki?”

Both Gods turned their heads at the sound of the voice, both startled by the sudden appearance of the Spider-Child. He moved so quietly… well. Let it be known that it wasn’t easy to sneak up on two trained warriors.

 

“Um, why.. Why are you blue, Mr. Loki?” Peter questioned, momentarily forgetting the situation. The question was a welcome distraction to Loki, who smiled in a tired helplessness, rising off the floor and moving away from Thor towards the youngest Avenger.

 

“This is my natural state, young Spider. I am not Aesir, not like Thor, but a Frost Giant. We are from different realms.” Loki explained, and Thor watched as Loki took the young man by the shoulder and turned him around, leading him out of the hallway and leaving Thor to his thoughts.

 

Was Loki right?

 

Thor frowned, wanting to dismiss it, but.. He couldn’t. Not without seeing the pain flashing through those ruby depths, without hearing the words ‘ _ drove me to kill myself’ _ screamed in such anguish. So different from the young Jotun who had once sauntered with a playful smirk, who whispered jokes into his ear during boring council meetings, who held his hand under the table with a small smile like Thor had just given him the Nine Realms in his palm.

 

Norns, when was the last time he’d heard Loki  _ laugh _ ?

 

When was the last time he had been the cause of Loki’s joy? It had been so easy, then, to make Loki pleased with him. And he had once been so eager to please his little Jotun; hunting down large beasts for their beautiful white pelts, negotiating with the dwarves for the brightest jewelry and the sharpest daggers to present to Loki as gifts. But nothing came close to the joy on his expression when he’d come home after a long time apart; it had been so simple, just to see Loki’s entire face light up with joy before finding himself with an armful of blue skin and his ears full of fond scolding until he’d promised to never separate them for that long again.

 

He’d always been a womanizer, even as a much younger man, but nobody had ever come close to making him as happy as Loki had made him. With Loki, it was never just about sex, it was.. It was coming home after a long day, and looking forward to feeling those slender fingers tangle and trail through his hair. It was snickering behind his hand as Loki put on shows for him, using magic to change himself into people who had been particularly taxing and make fun of them in a way that only Loki seemed to know how. It was red eyes, sparkling with mischief and adoration and just the slightest hint of fondness that always strived Thor to be.. better.

 

He loved Loki.

 

He remembered the night that Loki threw in his face all too well, a soft frown touching his lips as he recalled his mistake. He’d had a fight with Loki - he couldn’t even remember what it was about. Something foolish, he was sure; perhaps Loki had tired of the heat, and wanted to go home, or maybe he was displeased with something Thor had said in court. It didn’t matter. Nothing excused what he’d done.

 

He’d sent Loki away, and taken another to his bed. A young woman, with hair as dark as night and eyes a deep amber. He had enjoyed her company enough, had been able to pretend with the lights turned low... He didn’t know Loki  _ knew. _

 

Loki had started acting differently after that night, Thor recalled, his heart twisting in his chest. He didn’t as smile as often, or lean into Thor’s touches. Something inside of Loki had died that night, but Thor, in his foolishness, had blamed Loki for the change. Deep down, he thought, he knew, that it had been his fault.. But in his youth, he’d always been a fool. He’d taken many to his bed to make up for Loki’s lack of affection, and they’d grown apart. Sometimes he’d catch Loki staring at him with a wistful sort of sadness on his face, fingertips resting over where Thor knew his mark to be, but Thor had never asked.

 

Why hadn’t he ever asked?

 

Had it truly been because he didn’t want to know? Or, perhaps, could it have been that he knew Loki knew, and didn’t want to face him?

 

Thor closed his eyes against the oncoming headache, lifting his hands to press against his face. He couldn’t lose Loki, not.. Not again. He wouldn’t make the same mistake. Loki had drifted from him because Thor was too much of a pigheaded ass to do anything about the shame he carried with him, because he was too afraid of confessing and losing Loki, that he didn’t realize he’d already lost him.

 

There.. There had to be a way to get him back, to earn his love.

 

Even if the Norns knew he didn’t deserve it.


End file.
